Who we are today is a representation of our childhood self. If we were given unconditional love and support by our caregivers we will most likely grow up into a confident and self assured adult. But if harsh conditions were laid down in our early years, e.g. conditional instructions were given to us such as "only speak when you are spoken to", "don't be too loud", "do not cry", "don't be angry", "don't show off" etc, we will most likely grow up feeling frustrated, afraid of commitment and confused around relationships/friendships. The hidden message in these instructions "don't be you". By conforming to these instructions we are in effect denying our true self's feelings and surpressing our expression of creativity, which means over time we will feel ashamed about being our true self.
You have probably heard the expression, 'he/she is like a closed book', meaning this person doesn't display very much emotion or express very little about what they think or feel. But to a lesser or greater degree we are all guilty of hiding parts of ourselves. This is a protection mechanism against being judged or hurt. Quite a large percentage of who we are is hidden beneath the surface, and can even be hidden from our own consciousness. It is worth noting that it takes a lot of energy to maintain our masks to hide from the world, and hide our true emotions from public display. The truth about who we really are is sometimes very close to the surface, and often it can be that a few alcoholic drinks will loosen up our true selves. And this explains of course why a lot of people under the influence of drugs or alcohol become more interesting, lively and the life and soul of a party. But on the darker side, the harsh truth about how we really feel about someone else can be revealed, once the tongue is loosened up through alcohol consumption.
As children we are like emotional sponges, and even the smallest amount of neglect, a dismissal or a short absence can leave invisible scars which in turn can shape our emotional self as an adult. What can happen unconsciously is to blame total strangers, and familiar people, for the old hurts and hopes, e.g. a certain glance, body posture, a word spoken in a certain pitch or with a particular emphasis can initiate a painful memory and a hurt feeling that belongs in our past but feels very real at this present time.
Entering into the therapeutic relationship of client and counsellor can bring about valuable learning about ourselves and others, e.g. there is usually an increased awareness of how we currently treat ourselves and others, which naturally leads to us learning more effective ways of treating/communicating with ourselves, our peers, family and other loved one's.
If you are currently experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, loss, low confidence and low self esteem, or any other mental health issue, please do get in touch with our resident Counsellor Paul on 910 665 601.
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